DURHAM, NC–In response to recent 2012 disaster porn coming out in theaters, the Hot Club of Durham announced plans today for world domination of lindy hop by the year 2012.
“The Mayans had it slightly wrong. It’s not going to be the end of the world,” said marketing coordinator Joseph Jackson, “Merely the beginning of a new era in which lindy hop is the primary social outlet for all people of all nations.”
In a 215 page document released online, Hot Club describes plans for eventual world takeover. According to this document, the process is divided into three phases. Phase I, Underground Lindy Hop Assimilation by Key Technophiles, has been underway for the past decade and is nearing completion. “We have 90% assimilation by IT professionals in the United States alone, and almost 70% in other key countries around the world,” said Jackson. Phase II, Guerrilla Assault on Internet Media, has been building steadily for the past several years and will reach the tipping point in mid-2011. According to the document, Phase III, The Spread of Lindy Hop Reality Television, will be all but inevitable after this point, and will ensure the dominance of lindy hop over all other forms of socialization.
“We expect people to be lindy hopping uncontrollably in the streets. At first it will be mass hysteria, but we believe the people will eventually become accustomed to their new need to gyrate to swing-era jazz music,” said Nicole Deinert, lead organizer. “Bars and music venues will be converted to dance havens, and “swingout” will finally be added to the dictionary.”
It is unclear exactly how each of the phases will be accomplished. Much of the 215 page online document was comprised of seemingly unrelated Youtube videos. “Yeah, we started writing about all these big plans, but then it just devolved into the three of us drooling over videos of Skye and Frida for hours on end,” said Rebecca Brightly, Hot Club’s head lackey. “We also came up with some pretty cool names for reality TV shows. Lindy Hop Boss, Dancing Without the Stars, and Jam Survivor are some of my favorites.” The document includes 23 pages of potential names for lindy hop reality shows.
The White House appeared to have a positive reaction to the news Friday morning. In a public statement, President Obama cryptically said that “2012 could be a very good year.”
“We are most encouraged by his statement of support,” said Deinert.
More plans will be announced later in the month, when Hot Club pulls itself away from Youtube.com long enough to talk about them.
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